The 'Classy'fied Ad

Have you noticed that classified ads for houses have undergone a makeover? They read a lot like matrimonial ads.


Only superlatives.

While it is good looking/well educated / good family / tall, beautiful, handsome in the matrimonial ad, it is  beautiful, classy, posh, state of the art for the house.

Nothing short of being located in a posh locality. Italian flooring…. designed by international certified architect…. It does not matter if the rooms are match box sized, but the apartment you are viewing is a deluxe three bedroom.

Of course, we are great ones for vaastu. East facing, north-east facing, 100% vaastu compliant they say. The master has to occupy a particular bedroom even if it is the worst, only because it is ‘right direction facing’. I am not sure how it could be as per vaastu when the room has no natural lighting. Do you think experts have lost the core of vaastu science?

The park facing room is one which overlooks an unkempt open piece of land full of weeds and scraggly bushes. The one facing a lake is a threat, a heavy downpour and your home could pass off for a fortress with a moat. Stone throw from a school could mean that you would have to live with badly parked cars, autorickshaws and school buses.

A bit of luck is what you need. The title may be good, the papers may be clear, sign on the dotted line…. Move in and then you realize the impact of your decision. Are we talking of the house or the spouse?

( picture source : http://www.thepropertybuzz.com/ )

I Wish You Would Not Ask...

Are you one of those who will not ask, fearing you might be turned down?  And also one who is uncomfortable with those who ask without any reservations, and put you in a spot, since you find it so difficult to say NO?

I can identify with that kind.

This huge debate is on – spurred by a web posting by Andrea Donderi and subsequently an article by Burkeman that appeared in The Guardian – which I shall quote from liberally.

Whether you Ask or Guess, they say depends a lot on your upbringing. In some families, you grow up with the expectation that it's OK to ask for anything at all, but you got to realize you might get no for an answer. This is the Ask Culture. People who ask for just about anything. For a favour, for a raise. They believe they can ask for something, even if the answer may be No. But they will try anyway.


The Guess Culture on the other hand– are people, who will only request ( not ask) if they think the answer is yes. They will debate within themselves and send out feelers till they are sure, and in most cases may receive an offer even before they can pose the question.

Both seem right in their own way. But the problem is when an Asker meets a Guesser. An Asker might ask to borrow your favourite book; invite himself home to stay. And as a Guesser, you would think he is rude to ask and be put to a lot of agony by giving in, or through more pain having to refuse.

Among nationalities, the Japanese are said to belong to the Guess Culture. While the Russians are classified as Askers and sometimes thought to be rude persons to deal with. 

I think (GUESS?) it is good to have a healthy mix of both. I personally feel I am more of a Guess person, but there are times I will not hesitate to Ask, but that is only with people I am comfortable with and may take a little advantage of.  And having to say NO is tough.  But I am learning.... .  And sometimes the agony of having said No, can really weigh you down.  At times, I secretly admire the nerve of those who ask unabashedly.  I could never do it most times. Is it a virtue?  I don't know.

There are others like Jonathan Chait who think it is perfectly right to Ask, and that Guessing culture is a recipe for frustration.  He writes: Guessers, who are usually trying to be nice and are holding themselves to a higher level of politeness, ruin things for the rest of us.  I feel that this is being pretty harsh on Guessers

What do you classify as? An Asker or a Guesser?


(Image - http://www.vosibilities.com/)

Faith

This picture was taken outside Mahalaxmi Temple, Mumbai.  There was this elderly muslim gentleman going around with incense ( unfortunately I was not quick enough and I just managed to capture the scene as he left the place ) collecting alms from the shopkeepers  Not a common sight .  He would have in most places stayed close to his own place of worship.  But the shopkeepers here did not seem to find it unusual.    

Right now in my city, there are communal riots.  And most believe it is politically motivated.  Which makes me wonder, why religion is given so much importance?  I recite the Hanuman Chalisa each day, but to be frank I did not know it was the Hanuman Jayanti today!!  And that I realised when I saw some noisy ruffians on two wheelers carrying saffron flags.  I do not ever remember the festival being celebrated in this fashion.

  

I have always claimed that I am not overly religious. Yet, I do as I said recite the Chalisa, listen to devotional music in the morning, light the lamp in the evening. And there is no real compulsion for me to visit the temple. As a dutch comedian is reported to have said - I do believe in God, but I do not trust his ground personnel. 
I would rather observe my faith in my own manner, within the walls of my home.

I must  also confess that I recite the Hanuman Chalisa on nights when sleep does not come easy..... a far better thing to do than counting sheep....

Woman Power

Margaret Thatcher is reported to have said – If you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

Arvind Singhal in his article writes that India has after China, the second largest number of women in the workforce. An estimated 480 million jobs are being performed by women. Till recently, most of these jobs were largely relating to physical, menial labour. And rather than helping in the empowerment of women, added to their exploitation since they not only had to be a wife and mother and homemaker, but also a secondary wage earner having little or no control on utilisation of what they earned through their hard labour. A silent revolution has since begun.


So different from what it was in the late ‘60s. My mother wrote to my grandfather. I have an offer to work in a bank. The children are grown up and I have some time to spare. I am contemplating taking up the job. Her father, gently admonished her, your husband is a senior government officer, what will people think? That he is not earning enough to keep you and the children happy? ( My father’s salary to be honest, was really a pittance as were the salaries of that time). Is that the impression you want to convey? I do not think you are doing the right thing. And heeding his advice, my mother never took up the job.

By the time I grew up, things had begun to change. Girls were educated, and many went ahead to do their post graduation too. For few, it was to bide time till their parents found a suitable partner. Some of us were lucky, we were allowed to work. There were not many opportunities, and it was not easy,

Now, it is a different scene altogether. There are an equal number of women working in any given organisation. Not just soft skills. They have entered areas that were once exclusively a man’s domain . The first woman on the shop floor is reported to be Sudha Murthy ( wife of Infosys Technologies founder Narayan Murthy). In 1974, she was upset when an advertisement for engineers in Telco ( now Tata Motors) specifically barred women from the post. She sent off a letter in protest to J.R.D Tata, and with due credit to the great man, she soon received a call for an interview and thus became the first woman engineer in their organisation. Women have since proved they can get out of their offices, work at project sites, get their hands dirty and meet deadlines with ease. Late hours have not deterred their enthusiasm either. And their multi tasking abilities ( hitherto proved at home ) stand in good stead along with their inter personal skills.

A surge of women working in white collar jobs will have a great impact on a number of factors in the coming years especially in urban India. An increase in dual income households. Women with lesser time to devote to the home. An increase in demand for ready-to-eat meals, of third parties who can take up routine housekeeping roles, a requirement for nannies, cooks, for online shopping and home delivered goods. Products targeting women – like formal wear, financial services, grooming centres will be sure to mushroom. That would mean no waiting at the ‘chakki’ centre to have whole wheat ground to flour, no pulses to be soaked for the next day’s breakfast, no tamarind to be soaked, no nappies to be washed, no peas to be shelled, no queuing up outside movie theatres on weekends, thanks to a host of conveniences that were unavailable to us few years ago.

With more freedom and confidence, women will probably look at their role in the home differently. As it is ‘marriageable age’ has undergone a huge change, a few grandmothers themselves ( having probably been home bound at a very tender age and living their dreams through their granddaughters) recommend that the children work and attain some level of financial independence before they get married. How often we hear people say, she is just 22, let her work and enjoy life , why burden her with responsibilities, a husband and children? Which may be a good sign but consider the impact it will have – late marriages, fewer children. The dynamics of the family in India will definitely undergoing a change. How well, we adapt to the changes and yet not let go of our family values will remain to be seen.

I am sure it affects every family. My elder one is married, but says babies can wait. The younger one who has just begun her career, says marriage can wait. I have no problems either. But there are issues. I worry when the younger one is still at work late in the night. And I am getting older too. Would I have the same energy to step into the role of a grandmother with ease many years hence? Can the nanny substitute the grandparent? We’ll have to wait and see.

How Odd.

Odd jobs -described as any of various non specialised, unrelated jobs, usually domestic, unskilled or menial.

All of us do odd jobs. And sometimes for others too. I am no different. And I would not have given it a second thought had it not been for my sis in law, who feels my services have been used for the oddest of odd jobs by family and friends. She is guilty too, but appreciative. So here I was  being requested to make slides for a presentation , copy editing, proofreading, booking air tickets,train tickets, hotel accommodation, movie tickets and even recently keeping a SIM card active.

I should have realised the enormity of the situation earlier. It only slowly started to dawn on me when I was being hounded by a credit card customer service executive. I said I did not need an extra credit card. She emphatically said I did, stating that there would be no transaction fee while booking online train tickets with this particular card. I said all the more reason, since I did not need one of those for sure. ‘But Ma’am, she continued, you have booked tickets worth 24000 Rupees last year!’ Whaaaat!!!! It was then that I realised the late night, last minute calls – Aunty can you please book my ticket – from my daughter’s law school friends, were what made me a potential target for the credit card company.

My daughter graduated this year, and I hoped that would mean the end of  online bookings, much to the disappointment of the executive. And to my relief. But that also was short lived. I promptly got a call from a distant land requesting me to book train tickets for the coming month.
Of course, I have lost money too. Maybe a small price to pay for the huge goodwill generated. I hope so, I mean about the goodwill. I have not been the recipient of many thank you speeches.

And well yesterday, I was in for a big surprise. I received an sms from the younger one, who is now working and away from home. Tickets booked, coming home for New Year. Tickets booked? And that too without my services!

I said– you seem to have changed your travel agent…
And she promptly replies – I can afford to!

(Image - responseontheweb.com)

The NRI and the Nobel Prize

Every time a NRI gets some recognition, the media goes berserk. Venkatraman Ramakrishnan won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. He left India when he was 19. The question some ask is : could he have won the Nobel Prize if he had continued to live in India? Good question.

My first job right after college was at a premier research institution. I was on cloud nine. I was in awe of the place, since I had used their library for reference work for my thesis . And to think I had landed a job there, that too my first job, straight after college.

I could walk in without being questioned. I did not have to sign the visitors book. I had to don a white coat and my name came up on the employee board right up at the entrance. It was a great feeling. The place was like I imagined it to be. The large well designed laboratories, the best equipment, the latest journals. The right atmosphere for anyone with a scientific bent of mind. Or so I thought.

The first thing that set off the disillusionment was the caste politics that existed. You would think science and religion did not go together. I was wrong.

Once a month, presentations were made of the latest research on various topics. I found the occasion seemed more for the staff to catch up on a nap. And for the young enthusiastic newcomers like myself, it was quite an effort to present a paper to a sleeping audience, that woke up just in time to ask a few questions.

There were also meetings with the director, where every group had to discuss their ongoing projects. This was another sham. The seniors presented the plan of work. Almost every project was ripped apart, and members told in no uncertain terms that the work carried out was insignificant. In some cases modifications were suggested. I was impressed. After all, one needed inputs from others.

When the group met next with the director, I realised to my shock that the projects discussed at the previous meeting continued as before. This happened meeting after meeting. And all that would come out of these meaningless projects were several papers that were sent off to journals. A lot of them would be rejected, but here the perseverance of the staff member paid off. The paper that came back would be sent to another journal, till it was finally accepted for publication.

It was not as if facilities were not available. They were the best, the brains were the best too, but the will to do something worthwhile was missing. The sub standard work that was carried out resulted in publishing of research papers that were essentially for furthering their career.

I worked at the research institute for over 2 years before I left. Long enough to be totally disillusioned. This was in the '80s. I am hoping the situation is different now. Only then can we hope to have a resident Indian who can bring laurels to the country.

Meteorite Impact ?

This could easily pass off as one.

The photograph appeared in the Times of India, with the caption - Do potholes have to be this big to catch the officials attention?

Thankfully, it was noticed during the day and before the whole portion caved in. Otherwise one shudders to think of the casualties. The road is a major link between the twin cities and also leads to a spot where city dwellers like to relax in the evenings.

Potholes are not restricted to our city or our part of the world. It appears to be a major problem even in the West. But the official apathy here is unequalled. We could even win a few awards.

Apparently, Fidel Castro in 1995, proclaimed he ''would not vote for the New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, not just because he didn't invite him to dinner, but because on his way into town from the airport there were such enormous potholes.'' Potholes seem to be a problem even now, but one can appeal for action. If a vehicle is damaged by a pothole, a claim can be filed with the city of New York . New York State Trial Lawyers Association have also formed the Big Apple Pothole Protective Committee.

It will be ages before we have some helplines like these. The city municipality website was launched with fanfare. It gave us some hope that there was someone you could turn to for assistance. Initially, I must admit, there was some response. It is not easy to find out which ward, circle, zone you belong to and then find out which of the departments to direct the complaint. That is a huge effort by itself. But of late, I wonder if the officials log in to check the grievances at all. The status of the complaint remains unchanged. And by then, we learn to accept and live with the situation. The tolerant nation that we are!

The millions that are lost in damage to health - the effect is enormous on the back and neck - and vehicles are huge. Are any statistics at all? Let us hope the size of this particular pothole would have at least woken up some official to take action.

A Man's Best Friend

For all dog lovers and owners there is a gadget that has been launched in the market. Bowlingual, a translator gadget released by Japanese toymaker Takara Tomy, can turn barks into words. You may indeed find out what your dog thinks of you!!

Tomy says there is a scientifically developed system that recognises the canine vocalisations. Your dog might be telling you that he likes you, he is happy or just that he does not want to eat the **##** food that you serve him every day. Now, how does that make him different from anyone else in the house?



I do not own a dog, but according to me what makes a dog a perfect companion is his inability to converse and express his opinion. I'd rather have him curl up at my feet or wag its tail and let me interpret his actions.

Fortunately, the Bowlingual translation is in Japanese and you may need another translator to understand what your dog is actually trying to tell you. So, it may not be economical to invest in one right now.

And if at some point they can translate the barks to a written word, there may be a situation when the old adage 'On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog' made popular by this Pete Steiner cartoon, may indeed come true -

P.S: I completed two years of blogging on Sepember 10.

The Fourth Plinth

The Fourth Plinth is in the north-west of Trafalgar Square, in central London. Built in 1841, it was originally intended for an equestrian statue but has been vacant for many years.

It is now the location for specially commissioned artworks.

And this summer Anthony Gromley, the sculptor, has created it into a living monument - One & Other. For 24 hours a day, for one hour each, from July 6 2009, the Fourth Plinth will have different people who were chosen randomly from applications, to stand on it. The occupant can use the space and time for whatever he chooses as long as it is legal.

Of course, there has been praise and criticism for this project.

But the question is Would this ever happen in India? Would a plinth be left vacant? Would a common man be allowed to occupy a plinth?

Have You Done your Good Deed for The Day?

The mobile phone was created with a definite purpose. But now, we don't just talk, we listen to music, take pictures, set reminders, use it as a wake-up alarm. And now the iPhone has a app that can make you DoGood.

Each day you get a message that urges you to do a good deed - like thank an old teacher, make someone laugh and so on.

I thought we had a conscience for the very purpose, but apparently these days you need a reminder ...

If it does indeed succeed in what it hopes to ... that is to motivate at least a thousand people to do an act of kindness, even with a little nudge, I guess it is a job well done.

We could even gift an iPhone ( of course, from public funds) to each of the 545 members of Parliament and to the MLAs of different states with DoGood messages.

Visit your constituency today. Do not take that bribe. Provide drinking water to the village. Attend the session. 365 messages. What a world of good.

It would be money well spent!

A day off

We took off today. For no reason at all. It must be years since we took a holiday like this - for no reason. And we just sat at home. We wondered if this was how retired life would be. Just the two of us at home, watching TV, listening to music, reading, no rush - sounds great and very relaxing, but I must confess it was rather boring. Is this how retired life would be , we wondered. I remember the time, as we rushed to work, we would see these old men in their sparkling white dhotis, sitting in comfortable cane chairs reading a newspaper, and think enviously how lucky they were. And now we are maybe a couple of years younger than those old men and I have my misgivings. Is it really a good life? We do not have too long to wait to find out!!

Simple courtesies - a thing of the past?

The other day I called to complain about the phone service. A government department known for their lethargy and disinterest. Imagine my surprise when the lady was not only polite but promised to have the problem rectified. I found myself relating the incident to many and later it struck me that it was disheartening that the pleasant customer service had taken me by surprise. Shouldn't this be the norm? I am baffled when I find a banner stating 'Customer Service Week' in a bank or a super market. Shouldn't it be customer service all the year round?

Forget organisations. At a personal level I find that simple courtesies seem to be a thing of the past. How many instances are there when you find someone trying not to meet your eye to avoid greeting you. Do men offer a lady or an elderly person a seat in a crowded bus? How many people hold open a door for others?

At public places we are sometimes shoved aside without the polite excuse me. At a show people talk loudly and do not put off their mobiles even after several requests. Niceties like thank you, please and excuse me are terms that seem to be forgotten . People jump the queue. Children are allowed to run and throw tantrums in public places while the parents do nothing about them.

Pleasantries are not about the other person you are dealing with. Whether they deserve it is not important. It should be a natural behaviour on one's part. It is a reflection of who you are, and how you were raised. And it is a trait that is worth passing on to your children.

Develop the habit of reading...

No it is not really time for a sermon. Or maybe it is. It is summer and we have some young students who intern at our office. At first glance, they are smart. Very smart in fact, they look good, dress well, speak well or at least the first day they seem to. Just into their first week we find that they do not seem to be well informed about anything at all!! Most youngsters just seem to have lost the habit of reading. Maybe television is the main culprit . Most, probably listen to the news on TV and have even given up the habit of reading the newspaper.

There was this interesting article in The Hindu last Sunday in their supplement Literary Review - I shall quote some which really made sense to me. -Reading lists put out every summer by foreign magazines and websites frequently invoke — along with the perfect page-turner — beaches, dripping lemonade, hammocks, pools, picnic lunches, tropical cocktails and long siestas. No beaches for us, and perhaps lime juice instead of lemonade. And yet, how heroically we read on. But can books really help us dodge the heat? That they won’t; but I do believe they can negotiate the summer for us. Think of it as a summer project. Summer reading doesn’t have to be about escapist, dumbed-down fiction. Literature is an elegant escape, and some non-fiction is more riveting than pulp. The perfect page-turner can be anything. So, the real trick, it would seem, is picking a book that engages your imagination just enough, but not so much that your brain’s gears begin to overload. Reading is one of the last solitary activities left to us. Reading takes us deeper into ourselves, and so the escape we make is away from the world and a travel to the self — to the weather inside us.

How true. Reading should be a habit. Start the morning with the newspaper. And not just the sports or the entertainment page. Try making a habit of reading the editorial ( it is not very easy - I admit). This keeps you well informed. Keep aside at least half hour, sometime of the day, to reading. It is best to be a member of a library. We have discovered some good lesser known books of unknown authors - those we would never have bought - picked up at the library. And you end up reading a variety - rather than just one of the Jeffrey Archer or Sidney Sheldon best seller.

And make sure kids are exposed to the written word even before they can read. Just as soon as you think they are old enough to listen - start reading to them and watch them hang to every word that is uttered. As they grow older start with simple books helping them - reading along with them for a start. They should never become a couch potato ( after the previous post - I think it is unfair on the potato). It does make life very easy to have them sit in front of a TV allowing us time for other chores. But switching off the television and reading to the children would ensure quality time with the kids and putting them on the right track. It is only by reading that we improve our skills of communication.

If as parents you do not have the time, ensure that you send for the grandparents. They will do the job for you!!

Summer Schools

With just a little over a week left for most school vacations to end, parents must be sighing in relief. The vacation seems to be an endless worry for most parents. Even so, the editorial of The Mint's ( a financial daily) weekend supplement Lounge - wrote in detail of the different options parents have for keeping the children occupied this summer. Options are plenty - there are dance and music classes, cricket coaching, swimming, personality training for those as young as 3 years! And the courses cost a small fortune. And working out the logistics leave the parents a harried lot. Sending children to summer schools does have its advantages I guess. There are some new skills that are learnt. For working parents this is a boon. But strangely mothers who do not work also opt to send out their child only so that they have some time for themselves!! That never ceases to surprise me.

I don't think our parents ever worried about keeping us occupied in summer. They were glad to keep us indoors, if they could, to avoid the summer heat. Children rarely ever said they were bored during the vacation. There was so much to do and no TV to distract us.

For me summer vacation meant I could get up a little later than usual. There were piles of books to read. Music blaring from the old transistor radio. The back yard was set up for the kitchen garden. Board games were brought out. Afternoons spent playing carroms and ludo. Stamp and coin collections were updated.

My grandfather's Underwood typewriter was taken out and along with the Pitman typewriting manual I would progress from the first lesson ( asdfg ;lkjh) to the lesson that would begin the use of numbers that were located on the top row of the keys. At this stage, each summer I would lose interest in my typewriting lessons. This continued for at least 6-7 summers. The self training has stood in good stead and my speed at typing (at the computer) without looking at the keys are a result of the practice. But I still need to look at the keys to type in the numbers!

idée fixe

a fixed idea that becomes an obsession

Some of the things I do are clubbed under the term obsession. I don't know if this is true. But now I have a word for it - idée fixe - pronounced ee-day-FEEKS. It seems like a more fashionable word whether it is an obsessive behaviour or not. Just like suffering from migraine or having a bout of food poisoning rather than a dumb term like headache or an upset tummy. They mean one and the same.

Coming back to the idée fixe that I am supposed to be indulging in - like mundane activities - cleaning the house, washing the clothes etc etc. All I know is that these need to be done - the sooner the better before it becomes more of a problem resulting in severe migraine :-).

Old habits die hard

Ever realised how often I change the template and the general appearance of the blog? Just like I love rearranging furniture at home. My mother did it all the time. It must be in my genes. I wonder if I have passed it on to my kids. Only time will tell.