I Wish You Would Not Ask...

Are you one of those who will not ask, fearing you might be turned down?  And also one who is uncomfortable with those who ask without any reservations, and put you in a spot, since you find it so difficult to say NO?

I can identify with that kind.

This huge debate is on – spurred by a web posting by Andrea Donderi and subsequently an article by Burkeman that appeared in The Guardian – which I shall quote from liberally.

Whether you Ask or Guess, they say depends a lot on your upbringing. In some families, you grow up with the expectation that it's OK to ask for anything at all, but you got to realize you might get no for an answer. This is the Ask Culture. People who ask for just about anything. For a favour, for a raise. They believe they can ask for something, even if the answer may be No. But they will try anyway.


The Guess Culture on the other hand– are people, who will only request ( not ask) if they think the answer is yes. They will debate within themselves and send out feelers till they are sure, and in most cases may receive an offer even before they can pose the question.

Both seem right in their own way. But the problem is when an Asker meets a Guesser. An Asker might ask to borrow your favourite book; invite himself home to stay. And as a Guesser, you would think he is rude to ask and be put to a lot of agony by giving in, or through more pain having to refuse.

Among nationalities, the Japanese are said to belong to the Guess Culture. While the Russians are classified as Askers and sometimes thought to be rude persons to deal with. 

I think (GUESS?) it is good to have a healthy mix of both. I personally feel I am more of a Guess person, but there are times I will not hesitate to Ask, but that is only with people I am comfortable with and may take a little advantage of.  And having to say NO is tough.  But I am learning.... .  And sometimes the agony of having said No, can really weigh you down.  At times, I secretly admire the nerve of those who ask unabashedly.  I could never do it most times. Is it a virtue?  I don't know.

There are others like Jonathan Chait who think it is perfectly right to Ask, and that Guessing culture is a recipe for frustration.  He writes: Guessers, who are usually trying to be nice and are holding themselves to a higher level of politeness, ruin things for the rest of us.  I feel that this is being pretty harsh on Guessers

What do you classify as? An Asker or a Guesser?


(Image - http://www.vosibilities.com/)

Blessed Are The Meek.....

Well, I am not one of the pushy sorts. I am known to wait patiently at the billing counters allowing all those boisterous loud mouthed persons to get ahead of me without a word. Atleast most times I do, simply because I don't wish to get into an argument and at times when I am lost in my own world and do not even notice that I am being taken for granted. But of late I suddenly find myself becoming assertive . And I have slowly begun to realise that it pleases me no end when someone is (deservingly) at the receiving end. I think it is high time especially since I turn a year older this coming week to stop being pushed around. And it is no longer blessed to be meek ... though I am not too sure it will work at home! Atleast there I can throw a tantrum.

Sweet nothings

I have been off sweets for 20 days now. 10 days to go. I am surprisingly not craving for sugary stuff. Can this be me? For someone who could never go past the kitchen or refrigerator without having to check out for something sweet to eat, this has been quite an eye opener. I have been gorging on other foods though- have discovered that fruits are an ideal substitute for sweets - very healthy too. I think the others around the house could have put on some weight eating the stuff I have not touched!! Maybe in consideration of their health I should get back to eating sweets. Or maybe not. I hope this will help me control the urge to eat a sweet all the time. It also makes one wonder why people cannot give up some of their addictions. All it requires is a bit of self control. Or does it... I know for sure giving up my computer would be an addiction that would not be so easy to give up. I wouldn't even try!!