My friend spent a day with me.
She had these words of wisdom for all those like us, who were growing older, trying to make sense of our lives.
She said as we grow older there are four things we need :
1. Physical fitness and good health
2. Financial independence
3. The ability to perform household chores effectively
4. The ability to resist doling out unsolicited advice to children
The last one is the most difficult . And being welcome in their lives solely depends on it.
Well said....
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Crisp and spot on.
ReplyDeleteAnd since none of us are growing younger I see this is relevant for anyone who reads it.
We all model ourselves up and relive a large part our parents through our lives. So my view on this is - if as parents we want to increase the chances of children following a way of living life and conducting it, we need to be it and live it that way.It is ineffective to live one way and advice to aspire for something else. Children will grow up to live how we did and advice like we do.
-Also with advice (treading carefully here :),we pass onto our children one of our unnecessary collective baggages. To suggest there is a 'better or different way' of being,doing and experiencing life.Through advice we perpetuate this fundamental inability to accept life for what is,the way it is.It unwittingly sets up inner confrontations,self-doubt and aspirational journies with no end.
But I find the idea of 'being welcome in their lives 'solely' depends on it' a little harsh on both the parents and the children. It assumes all the hard work the parents put in apart from 'advising' is inconsequential.It also pre-supposes children do not see beyond their immediate concerns and prejudices.Don't you think our experiences lie in the grey, between these 2 extremes.
(hmm my comment is longer than the post itself :)
As always I appreciate the comments. I do agree with what you have said. But, I guess you are still young. Equations change as the kids grow up. And when they take charge of their lives, they do not want too much interference.
ReplyDeleteIt does not mean that they do not care, and they do appreciate our role when they themselves become parents. In many ways the bond becomes stronger.
But as you grow older, the children are growing older too, work and other pressures take a toll, tolerance levels are lower and irritation levels are higher. And they do not take too kindly to 'advice'.